Scared

Tonite,I felt weird n it makes me wanting to blog my feelings here.

I feel like somethings not rite somewhere. My feelings,my fear,my heartbeat,evrything is like telling me something n dat I need to be aware of.

While I was lying on my bed, at about 1238am my mind n feelings changed. Diz is wat happened.

I suddenly remembered bout my 2nd child which I had micarriaged a yr ago. N I am missing the child. I wonder wat the child is doing,does the child noes how to walk,talk n is the child in gd condition up there. Tears rolled down n I really wish the child is rite here wif me,isha(the sister) n daddy. I can't lie dat I'm really crying now. How badly am I missing U child? I really can't tell. But I noe u can see me crying rite now didn't u? N u noe I'm now carrying ur sibling (adek) in my tummy. Eventhgh me n daddy is so happy wif diz upcoming baby we still pray for u n will nvr forget u.

After that feelings fade I suddenly been caught up wif another fear. Diz time I'm asking myself wat if I'm gone? Wat will happen to isha n daddy n my upcoming baby? Y am I having diz fear?? I tried hard to put diz feeling away but as I pushed it away it' keeps on questioning in my mind. Wat will happen if I'm gone?? *crying in fear* I is so scared. Daddys asleep n I got no one to talk to. I am really scared to face n to answer dat question. I still hv my responsibility to handle for my beloved family, my children.

God, if u see my condition n if u see wat I'm writing down now,I'm really asking smthing frm u. Pls don't take away my life now coz I still have not done my job as a wife n as a mother. I am not ready to leave evrything behind to my husband. So pls hear my prayers coz I am still not ready to face u.

Dat is all I can say here. I juz dunnoe y I'm having diz weird feelings tonite. N I is scared *dats the only werd I can say*.

Hopefully it's juz feelings n 2moro will wake up to see my husband n child again. Amin.

Daddy,I love u so much n I love our children too. I'm writing all diz down coz I'm scared I don't get the chance to let u noe all diz. So wif diz blog dat I've written down, I hope u noe how deep my love is. I love u so much!

Hugs & kissess,
 baby ifah 